Ripsaw News | The News and Entertainment Weekly of the Twin Ports

“Travel—I’ve had my share.
Man, I’ve been everywhere.”
—Johnny Cash

NOTE: This guide was last updated on Aug. 30, 2003. A more frequently updated version, with interactive features, is available at www.slimgoodbuzz.com.

DULUTH [Superior]

Afterburner Lounge
Duluth International Airport | 218.727.1152

Though there is a miniscule chance of a planeload of California girls storming this place, the price of whiskey is so high that you might as well drink jet fuel.

Alpine Bar & Lounge
1308 Commonwealth Ave. | 218.626.9979

The Alpine is the westernmost bar in Duluth. It’s called the “alpine” because it is the peak of the city’s drinking mountain. If you are an amateur drinker, you can start at the Alpine and be shitfaced by the time you reach your limit two blocks up the road, at the Limit. If you are a pro, you start at the Reef, climb (or crawl) your way to the Alpine, then fall off the edge of the city into Oliver or the township of your choice.

American Legion Post 71
5814 Grand Ave. | 218.628.1495

A great and cheap place to drink if you are old and patriotic, or if you appreciate those who fit that description.

Applebee’s Neighborhood Grill & Bar
Miller Hill Mall | 218.723.1253

One of the biggest misnomers in the Twin Ports bar scene, this “neighborhood” bar is located nowhere near anyone’s neighborhood. Drinking there requires drinking with people who drink at the mall.

Beaner’s Central
324 N. Central Ave. | 218.624.5957

This West Duluth coffee shop is a very safe and friendly place for teenagers, as well as adults who don’t mind hanging around with teenagers. Although beer and wine are available at Beaner’s, patrons generally do not consume them in abundance. There is live music pretty much nightly, but there’s seldom any dancing or other revelry. In short, the only thing to dislike about Beaner’s is the lack of debauchery. Maybe you should go there and change that.

Bedrock Bar
2023 W. Superior St. | 218.720.4755

This bar claims to have the only full-size shuffleboard in Duluth. Since no one is willing to bother verifying this, let’s just assume it’s true and say “so-fucking-what?”

Bellisio’s
405 S. Lake Ave. | 218.727.4921

It’s worth selling everything you own and living on the street just to get drunk at Bellisio’s. And believe me, you’ll have to. The wine menu is extensive and pricey, but so is life. In Duluth, “Bellisio’s” is the number one response to anyone who says, “Where should we go? I’m buying.” If you go by yourself, and wisely try to glom onto a stranger’s tab, I recommend drinking quickly and getting out before that person asks for the bill. Believe me, your scam will not go unnoticed.

Black Woods Grill and Bar
2525 London Road | 218.724.1612

If you can’t say anything nice about Black Woods, don’t go there. That’s my motto.

Buena Vista Lounge
1144 Mesaba Ave. | 218.722.9047

The Buena is one of the most underrated bars in central Duluth. Sit down, shut up and don’t order anything complicated.

Charlie’s Club
5527 Grand Ave. | 218.624.3150

Normally, I don’t really like Ozzy Osbourne’s song “Crazy Train.” But I have to admit, when I’m listening to the song screeched out at top volume by some cover band, surrounded by the maniacal Charlie’s regulars who are all insanely in love with it, I can’t help but get into it.

Chi-Chi’s Mexican Restaurante
600 E. Superior St. | 218.727.0979

Sitting on that beautiful deck, overlooking Lake Superior, a fellow like me can’t help but wish Chi-Chi’s would hurry up and go out of business, so a good restaurant could move in. Assuming you are smart enough to not order any of the various reheated Hot Pockets on the food menu, you still won’t be able to enjoy a beer on the wonderful deck because of all the fresh-from-the-tanning-bed twits hanging around, talking really loud and generally forcing you to waste your time contemplating your contempt for them.

Club Saratoga
331 Canal Park Drive | 218.722.5577

Naked women on stage and a phone booth to puke in is all anyone ever needed. ’To-ga! ’To-ga! ’To-ga!

Congress Bar & Grill
1334 Commonwealth Ave. | 218.626.9967

Conveniently located next to the Puglisi Gun Emporium, the Congress shall make no law infringing upon the right of the people to keep and bear arms. A well-regulated militia is necessary to the security of a free Gary-New Duluth neighborhood.

Curly’s Bar
2013 Grand Ave. | Unlisted

Curly’s is a filthy, smelly, rough bar full of criminals and hookers. As far as adventure goes, it offers far more than almost any other bar in the area. The last time I was there, I was informed that a woman out front would give me a “sack wash” for $20. (You have to talk her down from $60.)

CW Chips Bar & Grill
1610 E. Fourth St. | 218.727.9173

There’s nothing wrong with CW Chips at all. Then again, there’s not much right about it either.

Duluth Athletic Club Bar & Grill
21 N. Fourth Ave. W. | 218.720.4445

Like the Locker Room in Superior, the Duluth Athletic Club is another place that wants you to think of sweaty old men playing squash while you eat and drink. The DAC, however, is doing it right. The location is the former site of the old Duluth Athletic Club (an actual athletic club) so this new bar and grill is embracing history while accepting the fact that people these days would rather sit at an athletic club and overeat than actually work out. In the previous five years, three other somewhat similar bar/restaurants have failed in this location, but this one seems poised for success. The food is pretty good and the bar area has done nothing to annoy me ... yet.

Fifth Avenue West
Fifth Ave. W. & Superior St. | Unlisted

Drinking at Fifth Avenue West, on the ground level of the Radisson Hotel, is like getting drunk in a hospital cafeteria. It’s almost worse than going to Black Woods.

Fitger’s Brewhouse
600 E. Superior St. | 218.726.1392

Fond-du-Luth Casino
129 E. Superior St. | 218.722.0280

Don’t get me wrong; I like hanging out with lower-class losers and herds of elderly people. I really do. But the drooling brain-dead zombies at Fondle-youth Casino need shock therapy. I swear I could bounce my testicles off someone’s forehead here and it wouldn’t interrupt the intense world of nickel slots one bit.

Gopher Restaurant & Lounge
402 N. Central Ave. | 218.624.9793

Now, here is a nice place to meet some virgins.

Grandma’s Grand Avenue Café
4602 Grand Ave. | 218.628.7010

The standard Grandma’s scene is quite a bit more tolerable at the West Duluth location, where the beer is half-price Monday through Thursday and the general emptiness of the joint provides fewer altercations with guys who gel their hair and tuck their shirts into their jeans.

Grandma’s Saloon & Grill
522 S. Lake Ave. | 218.727.4192

Although it’s tempting to make fun of every element of the Grandma’s restaurant empire, the original Saloon is indeed a Duluth classic. Bartender Erik Nelson has been slinging drinks there since the place opened in 1976. When it comes to liquor, I appreciate experience. The Upper Deck features a view of the Aerial Lift Bridge, if you’re into that kind of thing.

Grandma’s Sports Garden
425 S. Lake Ave. | 218.722.4724

This giant club was built for tourists and college students who put in serious-but-futile “mirror time” before going out. Kamikaze pitchers are cheap here, so I’m told. I’ve never had to buy one; a drunk patron (usually wearing a cowboy hat or a visor or some other dumbass MTV fashion) always sticks a plastic cup in my hand and starts pouring.

Green Mill Restaurant
340 S. Lake Ave. | 218.727.7000

While nothing ever happens at the Green Mill, the bar section acts like a shark cage, keeping people like us safe from Canal Park shoppers and families.

Ground Round Restaurant
2102 Maple Grove Road | 218.723.1776

See Grizzly’s, Applebees, et . al.

Hacienda del Sol
319 E. Superior St. | 218.722.7296

How strange—this place has a full liquor license in Duluth, but chooses only to sell beer, wine and margaritas. Still, they’re really freaking good margaritas. The best in town, in my experience. In the summer, the courtyard in back is a great place to eat your heavily cheesed meal and get loaded. Watch out for the wasps, however.

Horseshoe Billiards
2415 W. Superior St. | 218.727.5144

The very drunken could be led to believe you can play horseshoes at this West End bar. Let me warn you that if someone asks you to play “horseshoes” at Horseshoe Billiards, he has something different in mind than you might expect.

India Palace
319 W. Superior St. | 218.727.8767

Here is where you can have a quiet and contemplative glass of wine with some of the area’s finest food. It’s my favorite place for what I call “drinking foreplay.”

Jade Fountain
305 N. Central Ave. | 218.624.3517

This Chinese restaurant in West Duluth is an excellent diving board. It’s the only Asian restaurant in the area with a full liquor license, which also makes it the only full bar in the area with no smoking. And there’s cable TV. And there’s usually not many people there, so you can work the remote, unless there’s a Twins game on.

Kegler’s Bar & Grill
601 W. Superior St. | 218.722.0671

Kegler’s is the stupid bar connected to the Incline Station bowling alley. It was so lame and unfriendly the last time I was there, in around 1999, that I haven’t been able to convince myself to return. I’ll let you know when I do.

Kom-on-Inn
332 N. 57th Ave. W. | 218.624.3385

The Kom-on-Inn opened just after Prohibition and has operated under the same liquor license for almost 70 years. Despite being one of the area’s more attractive bars on the inside, it looks like some kind of 1960s-era real-estate sales office on the outside, which may be why it attracts a crowd of regulars that make me feel like I should always have one eye looking over my shoulder. My other eye, however, is delighted by Art Fleming’s oil paintings of West Duluth factories circa 1950 and the jewelry display being aggressively sold by an old woman named Leilani. Closed on Sundays.

Kozy Bar
129 E. First St. | 218.722.2442

If your idea of cozy is snuggling up next to a career alcoholic who smells like a urinal, and sipping soapy beer while listening to the Eagles, then I guess this bar is deserving of its name.

Lake Avenue Café
394 S. Lake Ave. | 218.722.2355

One of Duluth’s simplest and most delicious restaurants also has a few good beers and wines to choose from. Guys who go there to eat sometimes get the impression they should stay and drink Bass Ale after Bass Ale until one of the pretty waitresses in the black dresses offers to drive them home. Those who try this are disappointed.

Lee’s Pizza
2033 W. Superior St. | 218.722.0643

This pizza dive has a nice little atmosbeer to it. There’s only a handful of yellow beer options available, but that’s only appropriate.

Limit Bar
1426 Commonwealth Ave. | 218.626.3398

Rumor has it that Jerry Sagonovich and Brian Knobs—pro-wrestling’s “Nasty Boys”—got in a big fight at the Limit about 12 years ago. YeeeeeeeeeeHawwwww!

Little Angie’s Cantina & Grill
11 E. Buchanan St. | 218.727.6117

Normally I’m all for drinking outside on a deck, and I think that every bar should have one. However, while Little Angie’s has the biggest deck in the area, who would want to be seen drinking at Little Angie’s?

Mary’s Place
34th Ave. W. & Grand Ave. | Unlisted

Here’s a little test I dreamed up for bars. Walk in and say, “Five shots of your cheapest whiskey,” and take notice of the bartender’s reaction. Mary’s Place passed with flying colors.

Midway Bar
1909 W. Superior St. | 218.727.9956

If your looking for a quiet bar to watch World’s Wildest Police Videos, you can’t beat the Midway. There’s nice artwork on the walls, sponsored by Pabst Blue Ribbon, which you can stare at during commercials.

Mr. D’s Bar & Grill
5622 Grand Ave. | 218.624.4178

A gigantic bar in size if nothing else, Mr. D’s (or “D’s” as its regulars affectionately call it) is preferred by Skoal-chewin’ roofers and big-haired cosmetologists. Listen to the sound system for songs by Mr. Big, Bad English, Tesla and other forgetables. On the weekend, listen to local bands covering the likes of Poison and Ozzy.

Mitch’s Bar & Grill
2113 W. Superior St. | 218.727.4833

Oh, come on. Just go to Curly’s. You know you’re going to end up at Curly’s anyway. Why waste time at Mitch’s? Come on. Let’s go.

Norman’s Bar
113 W. First St. | 218.722.2905

Welcome to Brett Hull’s rec room. Pictures of the hockey great are all over the place, and he’s been known to drop in and show off the Stanley Cup. Most of the time, however, the joint is pretty boring. (What’s the deal with that Molsen light above the bar? Small, red-tinted light tubes form the shape of either a goalie making a save or an illicit sexual position. It’s hard to tell.)

NorShor Theatre
211 E. Superior St. | 218.727.7585

The NorShor serves as the center of Duluth’s arts-and-entertainment scene. In addition to the ongoing independent movies, live music, art shows and poetry readings, the NorShor has occasionally hosted events such as kickboxing, a fetish ball, a geek prom and annual events such as a Halloween party, the HomeGrown Music Festival and the Undergroundhog Day party. And yes, you really can drink booze in the movie theater.

North Pole Bar
5606 Raleigh St. | 218.624.9623

I love the North Pole. If you can manage not to drown in the sea of lotto fliers, it’s a great place to tip back a huge mug of Grain Belt and even enjoy a burger from the neighboring Ray’s Grill, if you’re into that whole solid-food scene. Or, go before 11am on Saturday morning for an arithmetic-free recovery—breakfast and a bloody mary comes to $5 even.

O’Gilby’s
511 E. Fourth St. | 218.722.9139

If you are a divorcée looking to hook up with a fire fighter, you should go to O’Gilby’s. You also should rethink your life.

Old Chicago
327 S. Lake Ave. | 218.720.2966

You know how when you’re watching TV and suddenly an ad comes on screaming at you to BUY! BUY! BUY? That’s exactly what the loud, flashy Old Chicago is like, which is the main reason to avoid the place even though there are dozens of overpriced beers to choose from. The last time I ended up there, an old lady at a table near mine removed her hearing aid, set it on the table and said, “I guess I don’t need this here.”

Olive Garden
901 Mall Drive | No phone yet

It remains to be seen whether this chain restaurant will be as lame as the rest of the bar/restaurants on Miller Hill. Look for it to open this winter, and go in expecting to be disappointed.

Pickwick
508 E. Superior St. | 218.727.8901

Some people save up to buy a nice car or a house. I save mine for splurges at the Pickwick, where the drinks are so good and the atmosphere is so comfortable that I always find the idea of leaving to be ridiculous. It’s expensive, but as far as investments go, there’s no better choice than top-shelf liquors blended by seasoned mixologists, followed by a big slab of perfectly prepared meat.

Pioneer Bar
323 W. First St. | 218.727.4452

I can’t tell you for certain whether the “Pie-o” is even in business right now. On Aug. 29—the day before this guide went to print—Duluth Mayor Gary Doty vetoed the city council’s decision to renew the bar’s liquor license after plans were approved by the fire marshal to have a sprinkler system installed in the basement of the building. That means it will be out of business for at least a week, until the council overrides the mayor’s veto. No matter what happens, once the anti-business mayor is out of office, the Pioneer will surely be back.

Pizza Lucé
11 E. Superior St. | 218.727.7400

Pizza good. Liquor good. Music good. Hipsters bad. Unnnnhhh.

Player’s Sports Bar
4024 Grand Ave. | 218.624.7974

This noisy little Grand Avenue shack sells bottles of Boone’s Farm for $4. When you get drunk there, don’t try to wander up onto the deck on the roof; it belongs to the upstairs apartment, not the bar.

Red Lion Lounge
220 E. Superior St. | 218.722.9440

One local drunk described the Lion to me as “The safest of Duluth’s fighting bars.” One cop once told me it was “The worst place in town.” At any rate, it’s full of pimps and drug dealers. Also, Duluth’s sleaziest band, the Black Labels, play there every Wednesday, when a lot of good-looking college kids go there thinking it’s cool to hang out in a dive and get their first taste of cheap Black Label beer. It’s a good chance to pick up drunk college kids, but in my opinion, if you want to slum, the real adventure is at Curly’s.

Reef Bar
2002 London Road | 218.724.9845

Located in the same building as the Labor Temple, the Queef is a popular watering hole for local union members. Decent live music occurs somewhat regularly, but most patrons behave quite conservatively and are a bit uptight about really whooping it up.

Round-up Bar & Grill
415 E. Fourth St. | 218.727.1454

This is the place to go when the need for low-rent karaoke strikes you. While the karaoke is predominantly rock, the bar itself is country western. The juke is stacked with the good stuff and the walls are lined with autographed photos of stars the likes of Roy Clark, Kitty Wells, Charley Pride and “Little” Jimmy Dickens. May the bird of paradise fly up your nose.

R.T. Quinlan’s Saloon
220 W. Superior St., Duluth | Unlisted

Located just steps from both the DTA Transit Center and the Holiday Inn, this basement bar seems to attract patrons from neither of those locations. Instead, it has its troupe of loyal regulars, all of whom are scuzzy and weird, but in a good way. Nonsmokers will be suffocated.

Rustic Bar
401 N. Central Ave. | 218.624.7463

A plain, pleasant neighborhood sports bar with wildly cheap beer. Unlike most sports bars, the Rustic isn’t really a bar for fans as much as it is a bar for serious drinkers. When women threaten to beat up men at the Rustic, I believe them.

Sammy’s Pizza-Downtown
103 W. First St. | 218.727.8551

The downtown Sammy’s used to be a great place from which to scout out the Duluth Liquor store. You could order yourself a tasty pie and a pitcher of the yellow stuff, then sit in the east corner by the window and watch your buddies do their shopping. Since the Duluth Liquor store closed, the Sammy’s experience has lost its charm for me.

Sammy’s Pizza-West Duluth
403 N. Central Ave.| 218.624.4031

They have some funky Italian beer by the bottle here. I can’t remember what it’s called. I can’t remember what it tastes like either.

Schooner’s Nightclub
250 Canal Park Drive | 218.727.8821

Attached to the Canal Park Inn, this popular club boasts a mediocre atmosphere, mediocre live music every weekend and mediocre drink prices, providing an all-around mediocre experience. The deck outside, however, is quite nice. You can have your underage friends waltz off the Lakewalk and onto the deck, then pass them the drinks you bought inside. I like to just sit out there and yell at teenage girls as they roller blade by: “Free beer, baby! C’mon over! Whoo!”

Sharks Pool Hall
327 W. Superior St. | 218.529.1626

Everything at this relatively new pool hall still looks like it’s fresh from the catalog. It’s all new and clean, unlike anything you might expect of a downtown Duluth pool hall. The clientele, oddly enough, are well-behaved inside the establishment, but for some reason are wildly obnoxious when they go out to their cars at the end of the night, shouting obscenities to each other at top volume. All things considered, I give Sharks a thumbs up simply because they have the best bar stools in the area.

Shotz Bar
1321 Commonwealth Ave. | 218.626.1860

Shotz claims to serve “the coldest beer in town.” I have not tested this scientifically, but I accept it as fact. About a year ago, Shotz had a 30.06 (“w/scope”) hanging behind the bar. It was the prize in an upcoming raffle. Last time I was there, I sang karaoke with Drunk Girl, while Jealous Boyfriend looked on. Then I got the hell out of there before he started kicking her ass, making me feel all obligated to get involved.

Sir Benedict’s Tavern on the Lake
805 E. Superior St. | 218.728.1192

I heard the owner of Sir Ben’s threatened to “choke” the Ripsaw’s restaurant reviewer and anyone else from the paper who ever goes there again. S&M fans, tell him Slim sent you.

Sneaker’s Sports Bar & Grill
Holiday Center | 218.727.7494

The crowd at Sneaker’s seems to always be a mix of car salesmen and guys who serve on some board of directors. I can’t slam my drink and move on fast enough.

Tappa Keg Inn
7036 Grand Ave. | 218.624.9881

To the best of my knowledge, the Tappa Keg is the only bar in the area that serves Grain Belt Premium Dark on tap. I also know that it’s empty a lot of the time, and that is a mother-lovin’ shame. Good fish fry.

Tap Room
600 E. Superior St. | 218.722.0061

The Tap Room is big on Thursday’s with the college kids. It has been for some time. I have no idea why.

Taste of Saigon
394 S. Lake Ave. | 218.727.1598

A whopping three yellow beers to choose from at this Vietnamese restaurant, nestled among the trinket shops of the Dewitt-Seitz Marketplace. And that’s all you really need to wash down your Moo Goo Gai Pan. As far as a good drinking experience goes, not only do you have to leave Taste of Saigon to find it, you have to leave Canal Park altogether.

T-Bonz Bar & Restaurant
2531 W. Superior St. | 218.727.9582

I love T-Bonz because it is in direct defiance of Duluth’s restaurant smoking ban every day, and no one seems to notice or care.

Terry’s Place
2232 W. Superior St. | 218.722.5879

If you don’t like auto racing, you won’t like Terry’s Place. If you do like auto racing, I can’t vouch for you.

Timber Lodge Steak House
325 S. Lake Ave. | 218.722-2624

It’s surprising how good and cheap the drink specials are here during happy hour. It’s also surprising how awful the music is. You’ve got a nice pint and a steak in front of you, and you’re listening to Celine Dion. Go figure. Other than that, it’s pretty nice, though.

Twins Bar
501 E. Fourth St. | 218.727.3871

The last time I was at the Twins, I played a half-hour game of pool with Artie, Choppy and Brenda, three people so drunk they had no idea whether they were solid or striped. My partner was Brenda, a 40-something year-old who told me her daughter wishes she didn’t drink so much. Brenda explained this all to me and defended herself with “I work hard. I work long shifts. I deserve to cut loose every now and then.” Looking around the Twins, Brenda’s comments pretty accurately serve as the place’s motto.

Wade Municipal Stadium
132 N. 35th Ave. W. | Unlisted

Just like you, I didn’t go to any of the Duluth Huskies baseball games this summer. Maybe it would have been fun. They do sell beer there; how bad could it be?

SUPERIOR [Duluth]

Anchor Bar
413 Tower Ave. | 715.394.9747

After spending a night at most bars, you end up smelling like an ashtray. After spending a night at the Anchor, you end up smelling like a grease trap. Expect to be amazed at how cheap and good the food and beer is. Expect to be insulted by the bartender. And expect to like it.

Androy Hotel Lounge
1213 Tower Ave. | 715.394.7731

If walking a few blocks from your favorite bar to Papa Don’s is too much for you, try the Androy Hotel Lounge. The karaoke is always awful, and when they throw you out after last call, you land right in front of the door to an all-night restaurant. Sweet.

Applebee’s Neighborhood Grill & Bar
3605 Tower Ave. | 715.395.8460

I will never ever, ever, ever get over the fact that Applebee’s will not accept tribal I.D.’s. Remember the 56-year-old American Indian who was refused service there a few years ago? I do. I will never forget that as I drive past Applebee’s on my way to a bar with a little respect for human dignity.

Belknap Lounge
130 Belknap St. | 715.394.3616

Boring, yet not as annoying as you’d expect a strip-mall liquor store/bar to be, the Belknap Lounge is a fine place for conversation, billiards and microwave popcorn huffing. Seriously: when they pull that stink-bomb bag of popcorn out of the nuke-box, I’m tempted to fart as a self-defense mechanism. On a separate note: I have often wondered what is behind the door labeled “Malone,” but have yet to find it unlocked.

Bev’s Jook Joint
820 Tower Ave. | 715.392.5373

Bev’s was, for a short time, the staple of the Superior division of the original live music scene. It was also full of dykes, which we all know is a good thing. Recently, the image has begun to change into something more along the lines of Carignan’s/Hall of Fame/Odyssey’s/whatever-they’re-calling-it-this-week. I expect even more annoying things to come.

Burbon Blues Co.
1201 Tower Ave. | 715.394.7171

These fuckers don’t even know how to spell bourbon.

Builder’s Saloon
619 Tower Ave. | 715.395.2222

If you’re a pervert like me, Builder’s, which is attached to Stargate, is the place to unsober yourself until you’re courageous enough to head next door and get thrown out. Again.

Capri Bar
1224 Tower Ave. | 715.395.1908

The thing with “the Debris” is, it comes and it goes. One night, you find yourself surrounded by interesting, fun-loving people. The next night, there’s a bunch of assholes there. The beer is always cheap, however, so it’s worth taking your chances.

Carignan’s CC Tap
1015 Tower Ave. | 715.395.3925

Things are average enough at CC Tap during the daytime hours, when tap beers are three for $1. (Don’t get too excited, the cheap-o beers are served in little 10-oz. plastic cups). At night, the uninteresting drama begins as hordes of annoying people create a crowd for no reason at all and police are left to sort out the messes in the parking lot.

Cedar Lounge
1715 N. Third St. | 715.394.7391

The four people hanging out at the Cedar Lounge are not happy to see you show up at all. Sit down, be quiet and keep to yourself.

Centerfolds Cabaret
702 Tower Ave. | 715.394.9226

Arrive at this strip club early to avoid the cover charge and take advantage of two-for-one drinks. Arrive late to burn your whole paycheck in an hour. The asses on stage are, for the most part, young and sweet. Some are girls working their way through college, which is truly inspiring. Others are obviously so addicted to smack that it makes me more sad than horny.

Charlie Brown’s Bar
1828 Iowa Ave. | 715.394.5295

This neighborhood bar has a fucking “Beer Buffet” on Wednesday nights. The cost is $5 for “unlimited tap beer” from 6pm to 9pm. I recommend lining the inside of a duffle bag with a leak-proof bladder and taking some to go. One thing you should know about Charlie Brown’s, which I learned from a Vietnam veteran, is this: Charlie is the enemy. We must defend the bar against him.

China Inn
15 Belknap St. | 715.392.3434

A quaint little Chinese food joint that is three times as large on the inside as it appears to be on the outside, the China Inn has a limited beer and wine menu that, to my complete shock, offers Lowenbrau. I had no idea that shit was still being brewed. Well, tonight … let it be Lowenbrau.

Choo-Choo Bar
E. Second St. | Unlisted

Though this place is built out of a railroad car, it’s still little more than a neighborhood hangout. Nonetheless, if you stay there long enough, the car actually seems to move.

C’s Lounge
1419 Banks Ave. | 715.392.6730

The tap special at C’s Lounge in Superior is 65-cent mugs of Busch—all day, all night. This is information to be treasured.

TJ Champion’s Lounge
715 Belknap St. | 715.392.5341

Champ’s has the distinction of being the first bar I ever wrote a review about, back in 1999. My opinion hasn’t changed one bit.

Club 35
6419 Tower Ave. | 715.394.3365

The further west I go on Tower Avenue, the less I remember.

Corbin’s Bar
7804 S. County Road A | 715.399.2581

If I have to go way out west on Tower Avenue, and then turn off onto a county road, forget it.

Dugout Lounge
1318 Tower Ave. | 715.394.3361

The Dugout is by far the least annoying sports bar in the region.

East End Tavern
2114 E. Fifth St. | 715.398.7076

“In the heart of Old Town,” the East End Tavern is a spot where you can always find about five guys listening to Black Sabbath and talking about something you can’t relate to.

Elbo Room
1309 Tower Ave. | 715.392.6292

This is the perfect place to meet that special someone you are cheating on your spouse with. It’s a quiet bar that is no place to act up, but a fine place to load up. Bring your appetite, Sammy’s Pizza restaurant is attached. Stick with the pizza, however. The rest of the menu isn’t so special.

End Zone
1026 Tower Ave. | 715.395.0992

This sports bar seems to draw a crowd based on its proximity to CC Tap and Odyssey’s. The people at the End Zone are stupid enough to think they wanted to go to CC Tap or Odyssey’s, but smart enough not to stay there.

Frankie’s Tavern
1310 Tower Ave. | 715.392.1646

Most people who go to Frankie’s go there for the karaoke. I go there because it is the only bar in the region that sells both leather clothing and swords.

Goodsports Bar & Grill
2827 Oakes Ave. | 715.392.2546

Complete with sandy volleyball courts in the summer and a broom-ball/boot hockey rink in the winter, Goodsports is one of the better watch-nine-televisions-at-a-time bars. It is, however, more of a family restaurant atmosphere than a place to get completely ripped, but if you go on the right night, things do get a bit rowdy.

Grizzly’s Grill ’N’ Saloon
3405 Tower Ave. | 715.392.5210

Though this place serves Guinness and other great premium beers on tap, be prepared to watch every form of sports imaginable playing at once—with loud, blaring sound—on the bar’s many TVs. Also, the prices and service leave much to be desired.

Gronk’s Grill & Bar
4909 E. Second St. | 715.398.0333

Why even bother?

Hacienda South
6428 Tower Ave. | 715.392-9960

Sloppy and smelly describes not only the bar itself, but also the regulars. Avoid it.

Hammond Bar & Steak House
1402 N. Fifth St. | 715.392.3269

Often referred to as the “Hammered,” this combination bar, restaurant and liquor store is the first drinking establishment you will see when you cross the Blatnik Bridge from Duluth. Keep going.

Hudy’s
2126 E. Fifth St. | 715.398.9905

I.Q. test: Find the men’s room at Hudy’s. On your mark, get set, go!

Jack’s Place
1923 Tower Ave. | 715.392.1994

I’ve always been treated kindly at this grimy neighborhood bar. The room is usually filthy, filled with GPC cigarette smoke and appears to be lit solely by the light coming from the off-sale beer cooler. Nothing ever happens there. I like it quite a bit.

Jimmie’s
1812 Iowa Ave. | 715.394.6403

This Billing’s Park dive has cheap beer and a nice little courtyard. Bounce back-and-forth between Jimmie’s and Charlie Brown’s and you’ll have a fine day.

Jo D’s Corner Oasis
318 Tower Ave. | Unlisted

Yes, the former Tin Can Alley has reopened under a new name and new ownership. What makes it an oasis is hard to say. If this is an oasis, there’s three on every block.

JT’s Bar & Grill
1506 N. Third St. | 715.394.2580

The gay bar that tries to accommodate every need, JT’s has DJ music, dancing, food, pool tables, dart boards and lots of lame-ass straight people thinking they’re being adventurous. Guess which my favorite form of entertainment is?

Keyport Lounge
1900 Belknap St. | 715.392.3377

When the teenagers hanging around outside the Keyport Liquor Store try to talk you into buying beer for them, my advice is to accept their money, go into the Keyport Lounge and have a couple of rounds on the delinquents. You’ll be doing the right thing.

La Belle
Tower Ave. | Unlisted

La Belle is the queen of Tower Avenue’s maniacally cheap sleaze-pits. You can literally get drunk for pocket change at La Belle. And really, that’s what we all want, isn’t it? Even high-class intellectuals such as yourself go there.

Lamplighter
628 Tower Ave. | 715.394.5149

Locally known as the “Limplifter,” the Lamplighter is considered to be the cheesiest of the area’s strip clubs. Expect to see someone who resembles your mom on stage.

Les Birds
5801 Tower Ave. | 715.394.9995

This is a generally fun karaoke bar full of middle-aged rowdies.

Loading Zone
Parts Unknown | Number Unknown

If you can find this bar in the first place, and you show up on the right night, you could be treated to such sights as old men playing bloody knuckles, trashy couples slow-dancing to Def Leppard’s “Love Bites,” or a five-year-old boy sitting by himself playing Strip Club on the game computer. Generally though, you can’t even find it, and if you do it will probably be a slow night anyway.

Locker Room
1218 Tower Ave. | 715.392.4535

Why the hell would anyone want to spend any more time in a “locker room” than they have to? Why not just call your bar the Big Room That Smells Like Feet and Ass?

Lost in the ’50s
1809 N. Third St. | 715.392.1855

This place isn’t quite ’50s enough for me. Instead of feeling like a 2003 bar full of 1950s memorabilia, or a genuine 1950s bar, it sort of feels like a 1970s bar with 1950s memorabilia.

Main Club
1217 Tower Ave. | 715.392.1756

A comfortable setting for the gay regulars, but an uncomfortable one for the new meat.

Mama’s Bar
1019 Ogden Ave. | 715.394.3004

It’s a lot more romantic to just stand outside this bar and imagine what it might be like inside than to actually go in.

Mr. B’s
2223 E. Fifth St. | 715.398.5408

Hang out by the pay phone. That’s where the action is.

Molly’s
411 Tower Ave. | unlisted

Formerly the most heterosexual gay bar in the world, Molly’s has somehow transformed itself into a hangout for lower-class loudmouths with domestic problems they feel the need to air in public. The place would be better if Ricki Lake would show up to moderate, but it’s still entertaining. The mixed drinks are big and some woman just locked herself in the men’s room with three guys. I’m sure we’ll hear all about it later.

Mr. Lucky’s Bar & Billiard’s
1022 Tower Ave. | 715.395.9789

Mr. Lucky’s is one big-ass billiard joint. If you want to play pool while getting drunk, go somewhere else. If you want to get drunk while playing pool, go to Lucky’s.

Norm’s Beer and Brats
1901 Broadway St. | 715.394-9689

What a sad fall from grace. From 1996-’99, Norm’s was one of my favorite spots. The rubber toys, the large mugs and mason jars of booze, the blonde female bar staff ... those were the days. These days, every dickhead college guy you want to avoid hangs out there, and everything comes in a plastic cup. They’ve even hired a few male bartenders. At least I have my memories. Barely.

North Star Liquor
1310 N. Fifth St. | 715.394.6253

This place is toast. It burned to the ground in August, 2003. I’ll let you know about any rebuilding plans, should rumors surface.

Old Town Restaurant & Lounge
2215 E. Second St. | 715.398.7792

It’s like hanging out with the people at the Head of the Lakes Fair, only indoors. Lots of 40-year-old guys with combs in their back pockets. The mirror behind the bar is too high to see yourself while sitting, so you might see a guy stand up to comb his hair and remark, “You got to stand up to pretty up.”

O’Neill’s Pub
2911 Tower Ave. | 715.392.7388

I tried to order a Guinness at this Irish pub, and the server told me the place doesn’t stock it. Then, she said they might start to because a lot of people ask for it. Imagine, people wanting Guinness at an Irish pub. Shocking!

Odyssey’s
1028 Tower Ave. | unlisted

Some people consider this to be a meat market. It’s more like a rancid meat market.

Odyssey’s Rock & Roll Café Sport Emporium
1108 Tower Ave. | 715.394.4205

Formerly the Palace Bar, this new “rock & roll café sport emporium” is sure to confuse the living shit out of even the soberest people on Tower Avenue.

Office Bar
2128 E. Fifth St. | 715.398.7536

Located in Superior’s East End, next door to the ancient radio store with the coolest marquee ever, the Office serves up pitchers of middle-of-the-road beer for $4.50. That’s good enough for me.

President’s Bar
3824 E. Second St. | 715.398.6001

President’s Bar has no pictures of presidents, no wall of stars and stripes or any other form of patriotic propaganda. The bar is in no way interesting, but its accompanying liquor store is a great pit stop on the way to getting ripped at Wisconsin Point—something our forefathers certainly would have saluted.

Ray’s Bar
5607 S. State Road 35 | 715.399.8369

Having once been warned by the bartender at the Rusty Nail that “Ray will shit on you for sure,” I haven’t set foot in this place. I’m sure the drinkers there prefer it that way.

Risk
705 Tower Ave. | Unlisted

I haven’t had a chance to visit this new hipster joint. It would be unfair to compare it to its predecessors—Fat Daddies Live, Club Key West and the Cove Cabaret—so I’ll just say that I’m looking forward to paying a stupid cover charge there and hanging out with whatever dingbats and dickknobs show up.

Rusty Nail
6129 S. State Road 35 | 715.399.8437

Wow. All I can say is, wow.

Schultz’s Sports Bar
1307 N. Fifth St. | 715.394.7332

Despite many requests for me to write about Schultz’s, I refuse to until something fucking interesting happens there.

The Shack
3301 Belknap St. | 715.392.9836

The tiny bar connected to the Shack Smokehouse & Grill serves alcohol and has a TV, but that’s about all it offers. If your spouse is really annoying, you may find this to be a far more expensive, far less comfortable alternative to your own living room, and if so, you have my sympathy.

Shamrock Tavern
5825 Tower Ave. | 715.394-9913

The pizza at the Shamrock is outstanding, which helps me do what I do best: drink lots. I would go to the Shamrock every day, but the cost of the cab ride back to Duluth from South Superior forces me to only make the trip every St. Patrick’s Day.

Shooter’s Saloon
624 Tower Ave. | 715.392.6660

The only country/western bar around is unfortunately a bit more Garth Brooksy than George Jonesy, but the line dancers are cute to watch.

Smithy’s Bar
3823 E. Second St. | 715.398.6015

Bor-ing. Bor-ing. Bor-ing.

Stargate
619 Tower Ave. | 715.395.2222

For decades, the old Cove Cabaret was considered by many to be the skankiest place in town, and was rumored to be the center for all manner of criminal and amoral activity. Then Stargate moved in across the street and took away all the Cove’s business.

Striker’s
1906 Broadway St. | 715.392.3663

If you don’t plan to bowl, don’t bother staying here. If you plan to bowl, well, it really doesn’t matter where you go.

3rd Rock Bar
1201 Tower Ave. | 715.394.7171

Despite the owner threatening to take out a restraining order on me three years ago, I still drop in on the 3rd Rock from time to time. I recommend the Alligator-on-a-stick for lunch. I recommend another bar after lunch.

Temple Bar
1807 N. 11 St. | 715.392.6400

Forever to be known as “the former Bayfront Blues Saloon” this recently renamed twice bar surely has many name changes ahead of it, with no change in personality whatsoever.

Twin Ports Brewing Co.
1623 Broadway St. | 715.394.2500

This place is one block off the beaten track and difficult to notice, but the beer is great. I’d go here all the time, if it wasn’t my job to go everywhere else.

Who’s Bar
1114 Tower Ave. | 715.394.7084

Who’s Bar? Not mine. This is a boring place full of crabby people. It’s a nice set-up in a prime location, but it has the personality of a bus driver. I’d like a chauffeur, or at least cab driver.